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Cái nắng tháng sáu làm mồ hôi dắt nhau chảy từng dòng trên gò má xương xương của bà. Giọng bà nói xen lẫn mùi gió héo, mùi nắng oi khi “dũi” sân thóc nóng hầm hập phả vào người thách thức. Bà lo toan, cào xới sân thóc của Dì cho khô ráo, được nắng rồi chạy đáo về nhà “răn rở” sân thóc của Cậu. Đôi bàn chân bà, các ngón choãi ra, cong vẹo mà người ta hay gọi là bàn chân Giao Chỉ... cứ thoăn thoắt vội vàng những lo toan! Mẹ tôi bảo bà chăm làm và biết thu vén, nhưng thường những người siêng năng luôn tay, luôn chân thì hay vất vả... Tôi rất kính trọng bà vì tính chăm chỉ và thương bà bởi sự vất vả đó. Bài đăng TÁC PHẨM MỚI số 18.

Nghe tín hiệu “kem mút” phát ra từ dụng cụ thô sơ của người bán kem dạo nơi phồn hoa Hà Thành này quả là một điều hiếm, ấn tượng và có sức gợi tưởng, kéo tôi ngược thời gian, xuyên qua tường vách rêu phong, qua những tầng mưa nắng, qua những ố ngả bạc màu mà đôi lúc sự lãng quên là liều thuốc đắng vô tình, để ngày xưa ơi... ta về trong mến yêu, nuối tiếc!

Tôi nhớ Ngoại tôi, Người có cái lưng cong cong như mặt trăng lưỡi liềm giữa tuần đầu tháng tám - mà đứa chắt của bà thường gọi “ Cụ Còng” và cười tít mắt mỗi lần Cụ cho que kem khi hè về oi nóng và những lần Bà dúi vào tay chúng tôi – những đứa cháu, chắt - cái bánh, cái kẹo khi mua ở chợ huyện hay đi lễ Phật ngày rằm, mùng một mà có... Mỗi lần tôi được nghỉ hè hay chỉ tranh thủ về quê “nạp đạn” vì cháy túi. Bà biết, gọi với, vọng qua con ao, cái vườn đằng sau nhà tôi: Huyền về đấy à, tẹo bà sang... Mẹ tôi khoái chí và cười tươi ra mặt khi nói: lấy chồng thích nhất là được gần bố mẹ đẻ.
Bà tôi hiền lành, tốt tính và rất khéo. Những mớ rau muống có ngọn dải trắng nõn được mưa đầu mùa tưới, những “ngọn cái” chổng lên trời tốt lá được bà hái, buộc thành mớ, thành túm nhìn đẹp mắt rất thiện cảm. Bởi thế: đồng giá, sàn sàn trọng lượng, số lượng ngọn rau như nhau nhưng “quẩy rau”, gánh rau của bà bán ngoài chợ hay rao bán trong làng đều hết trước so với những người cùng đi bán như Bà. Tôi gọi Mẹ tôi là “sư phụ” muối cà pháo: loại cà được trồng ở ven đê, trên đất bãi bồi hay ngay trong vườn nhà cho quả sai chi chit, có thể bung, xào, ghém sốt sổi hay muối mặn, ăn giòn và đưa miệng. Những lúc đó Mẹ tôi cười bảo: “Đại sư phụ của Mẹ là bà ngoại con đó” !
Cái nắng tháng sáu làm mồ hôi dắt nhau chảy từng dòng trên gò má xương xương của bà. Giọng bà nói xen lẫn mùi gió héo, mùi nắng oi khi “dũi” sân thóc nóng hầm hập phả vào người thách thức. Bà lo toan, cào xới sân thóc của Dì cho khô ráo, được nắng rồi chạy đáo về nhà “răn rở” sân thóc của Cậu. Đôi bàn chân bà, các ngón choãi ra, cong vẹo mà người ta hay gọi là bàn chân Giao Chỉ... cứ thoăn thoắt vội vàng những lo toan! Mẹ tôi bảo bà chăm làm và biết thu vén, nhưng thường những người siêng năng luôn tay, luôn chân thì hay vất vả... Tôi rất kính trọng bà vì tính chăm chỉ và thương bà bởi sự vất vả đó.
Tôi không làm ra tiền sớm vì mải lo học, lấy “bằng nọ bằng kia”, mong về sau có công việc tử tế, nhàn nhã... Bà tôi hay nói nhiều về sự “tốn tiền” vào sự nghiệp học hành và con đường công danh của tôi: “Học nhiều, hết nhiều tiền, con gái đi lấy chồng có giúp được gì bố mẹ đẻ đâu. Biết vậy thì chịu khó mà học, cho bõ công nuôi dưỡng, đừng bảo bà nhiều chuyện”... Những lúc đó tôi im lặng nhưng rất bức bối, khó chịu, không vừa lòng bởi bà nói nhiều, nhiều quá – điệp khúc mỗi lần tôi về nhà... Một số đứa em họ của tôi đi làm sớm và mỗi lần về quê là có gói quà, tấm áo mới rất rạng rỡ kính tặng bà. Bà rất vui khi con, cháu hiểu lễ, nghĩa. Bà vui vẻ nhận tấm lòng nhưng nhất mực không nhận hiện vật sang chảnh tốn kém, mà có nhận, bà cũng đem chia sẻ chứ không dùng riêng cá nhân mình... Những lúc biết và nhìn thấy điều đó tôi thường “ghen tị” với bọn em và thầm hứa với lòng mình: “Sau này kiếm được tiền mình biếu bà nhiều gấp bội”.
Mưa và lạnh... Một chiều mùa đông con cháu và người làng thương xót đưa bà tôi ra đồng... Mẹ và chị cả tôi ngất lên ngất xuống, các em họ tôi nháo nhào gọi và đòi bà sống lại... Dòng suối mặn chát chảy ra từ tim và tấm lòng tôi... Tấc đất vô tình mọc màu xanh mà lòng người quặn đau vàng úa.
Thời gian như cánh buồm bạc phếch phả vào tình đời, tình người. Cái nhãn quan vô thường soi vào thế giới vô tâm, vô tính để bản hòa ca lạc điệu, lỗi nhịp, để những hiện hữu thương yêu nhuốm màu ố nám nhờn nhợt... Trời mùa Hạ hôm nay, một giàn mưa khát làm con đường nhựa nhem nhuốc rồi ngập úng do ống thoát nước quá tải... giống tấm lòng tôi bị lấm lem và ứa đọng từ lâu...
Chị mà cũng biết khóc sao?! Đồng nghiệp ngạc nhiên hỏi rất vô tư làm tôi thấy mình có lỗi vì sống vô tâm quá chăng, mặc những giọt lệ vẫn lăn dài trên má.
- Em báo hiếu được bố mẹ gì không Tình?! Tôi sụt sịt hỏi bạn - Đến từ tỉnh lẻ, lương lậu ít, lấy đâu mà báo mới chả hiếu. Em ít về quê vì chồng không tâm lí và cũng hạn hẹp kinh tế nữa, mặc dù mỗi lần “về thì nhẹ, lên thì nặng” vì bố mẹ cứ dành dụm nhịn ăn, nhịn tiêu để phần mẹ con em từ hoa quả vườn, từ những đồng tiền hưu trí, từ những cân gạo đi đong… Mẹ bảo ngon và thật, mẹ sợ gạo trên phố mua của người Tàu là gạo giả, ăn vào sẽ hại sức khỏe con gái cưng của mẹ… Hồi Đại học, em hứa với lòng mình: sau này ra trường kiếm được nhiều tiền sẽ biếu, tặng vé du lịch để bố mẹ em hưởng tuổi già vui vẻ. Vậy mà… lời hứa vẫn chỉ là lời hứa.
Có lần tôi nghe Tình kể về nguồn gốc tên gọi của nó: Bố mẹ muốn em dù nghèo đói hay giàu sang vẫn phải sống vì tình, vì nghĩa, vì những giá trị thiêng liêng mà không thể cân, đo, đếm. Nhưng cứ đợi đến lúc sang giàu, có của ăn của để mới quan tâm đến những người thương yêu mình và mình thương yêu, nhiều lúc là quá muộn... Giọng Tình trầm hẳn và đôi mắt chợt nhìn xa xăm… Những giọt nước mắt lấp lánh mang màu hối lỗi chực trào... Tôi sợ giọt nước mắt đó.
- Con bé này, sang phòng chị để khóc à? Làm nhân viên kinh doanh mà không biết thế nào là khoản “của để dành”, “lợi nhuận”, “phi lợi nhuận gối đầu”, “hòa vốn”, “lỗ dài hạn”, “luật nhân quả”, mối quan hệ tình tiền... để mà áp dụng cuộc sống.
Tôi áp đảo Tình.
- Ơ, chị. Chị cũng có hiểu đâu mà dậy em. Nó ngúng nguẩy đóng sầm cửa phòng lại, mặc tôi với những suy nghĩ ngổn ngang. Dù hiểu và biết cuộc sống vốn đa màu nhưng con người đôi khi vô tình, “đời người như bóng câu qua cửa sổ” quy luật bất biến thời gian là vô hạn, đời người là hữu hạn. Dòng thời gian vô tâm như cơn lốc xoắn ốc hút, cuốn đi bất cứ thứ gì nó tạt qua, để lại khoảng trống vô hồn và những vết lõm, lồi mà người đời hay chính ta cố gắng san bằng, bồi đắp kín khít thế nào đi chăng nữa vẫn là sự chắp vá lộ liễu để vết thương lòng giở trời lại ngứa và đau... Ước gì tôi có thể quay ngược thời gian để nghe lại những lời khuyên của bà mà trước kia tôi hay lẩm bẩm, càu nhàu trong đầu: “Bà ta thán nhiều thế” và muốn nói một câu: “Bà ơi! Cháu yêu bà”.
Mấy hôm sau, phòng tôi được ăn quà quê, hỏi ra mới biết quà của Tình. Con nhỏ hí hửng, cười như nông dân được mùa bảo: “Không đâu bằng nhà mình”. Bị cái Tâm Kế toán choảng lại: “Con gái là con người ta, lấy chồng rồi về nhà đẻ nhận nhầm nhà mình. Dơ!”. Nhưng cái “dơ” ấy là hạnh phúc nhất đời người, khi có cơ hội về nhà để hội ngộ, cười nói với những người thân yêu.
Tiếng pha trò, trêu ghẹo, bông đùa đan xen nhau lúc trầm lúc bổng trong giờ nghỉ trưa của mấy “con vịt”, nhân viên công ty tôi, luôn như bài ca nóng hổi và đa thanh nhưng cũng nhiều lúc là quãng buồn lắng để mọi người đắm chìm vào những tâm tư, tình cảm của hối lỗi mong nhớ... Cái miền yêu thương chỉ tái hiện trên độ phản chiếu góc cạnh 3D, 4D của tưởng tượng hồi quá – mà ước nguyện mong muốn đã xa tầm tay với, để những yêu thương mãi như quả xanh trên cành chát chua, muốn hái để ủ chín nhưng bị nẫu ngay khi rời cành…

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