Trót thương một người

“Trót”-một từ mỗi khi nhắc đến đều dễ làm ai đó giật mình trong hiện tại. Nếu trong giấc mơ của em có khi làm cho con tim lỡ nhịp, thổn thức. Nhưng hiện tại đây, em đã trót thương anh. Nếu nghe được, không biết trái tim anh có loạn nhịp nào không?

Trót thương một người là thương tất cả những thứ gì thuộc về họ, thương cả những bão giông, thương cả những vết thương lòng từ trong tim ai đó. Trái tim là kẻ bướng bỉnh và kiêu ngạo vô cùng, cố chấp đến nỗi cứ ôm khư khư bóng hình của ai đó mà không chịu buông bỏ. Bất kể khi cô đơn hay lúc hạnh phúc thì người bạn nhớ đến vẫn là người đó. Dù rằng, trước lúc đó bạn chưa từng và không có ý định thương người đó. Thời gian và sự gần gũi đã làm cho bạn không thể nào kiềm chế được cảm xúc, con tim mà thương người ta lúc nào không hay. Dù biết người ta rất tồi tệ hoặc như thế nào đi nữa thì đã trót rồi, không sao ngừng nhớ ngừng thương người ta được. Khi thương người ta mới biết, trái tim mình thật kỳ lạ đến nhường nào từ những hành động rất đỗi bình thường mà những người xung quanh bạn vẫn có thể làm. Nhưng thật sự đối với người ấy, bạn xem nó như một bầu trời màu hồng, mở ra cánh cửa ước mơ, chứa đựng biết bao nhiêu hoài bão và dự định trong tương lai. Những cử chỉ lời nói, hành động, những tin nhắn, email không khỏi làm bạn nhớ mãi, bạn sẽ không bao giờ xóa đi những tin nhắn, email của người ta dành cho bạn. Sẽ luôn là đọc đi đọc lại, ngày nào cũng mở Facebook cá nhân của người ta để ngắm ảnh, theo dõi từng sự thay đổi của người ta. Bạn xem ảnh của người ta đến trăm nghìn lần nhưng chẳng thể nguôi ngoai chút nào. Bạn mở những bài hát người ta thường nghe rồi lại thấy bóng dáng người lảng vảng trong đó. Bạn trách người ta cứ để bạn nhớ nhiều như vậy. Bạn vì người ta mà không có thời gian để làm những việc khác, chẳng bận tâm ai khác. Mỗi sáng thức dậy, mỗi đêm đi ngủ người đầu tiên bạn muốn trò chuyện chính là người đó. Dẫu đã tự hứa với bản thân mình thật nhiều, không được nhắn trước nhưng lại tìm đủ lý do để được nói chuyện, được nghe giọng nói ấy. Bạn như mắc kẹt trong một thế giới chỉ có hai người. Dù người ta đã từng trải qua biết bao nhiêu sóng gió, bất hạnh, dù trong tim họ đã có biết bao nhiêu vết thương thì bạn vẫn chấp nhận, vẫn thương họ hết lòng. Những người đã từng trải qua nhiều đau thương, mất mát trong cuộc sống sẽ có khả năng học cách lớn lên sau những điều không trọn vẹn. Để từ ấy, biết nâng niu và giữ gìn những gì mình đang có trong tay. Việc mình được yêu nhiều bao nhiêu thực ra không quan trọng bằng việc mình đã yêu chân thành như thế nào. Bất kể sự toàn tâm toàn ý nào cũng đều sẽ được báo đáp bởi những trái tim xứng đáng được nhận một tình yêu từ tận trong thâm tâm mỗi người. Vậy nên, khi bạn yêu một ai đó có quá nhiều vết thương lòng, bạn sẽ không hề thiệt thòi mà còn được nhận lại tình yêu chân thành gấp muôn phần. Chỉ là bạn có biết cách yêu họ hay không mà thôi. Học cách yêu thương một người cũng chính là phải học từ những vết thương lòng mà mình từng có được. Sẽ không ai bị vết thương lòng giết chết nếu họ thực sự mong muốn để yêu và được yêu. Tổn thương cũng không cướp mất đi trái tim của bất cứ người nào. Hơn hết, đau thương là để khao khát hoàn thiện và yêu thương. Trong cuộc đời, chỉ cần gặp được một người khiến cho ta thương mà quên đi bản thân mình, cho dù kết quả ra sao, đó cũng là trải nghiệm không uổng phí của kiếp này.

Trót thương một người rồi, nhung nhớ bỗng lặng thinh. Sợ yêu lắm là đau, sợ ngồi khóc một mình. Trót thương nhau rồi xin đừng chỉ bằng lời nói, hãy dùng hành động để chứng minh. Dù có khô khan nhưng lại chân thật và hạnh phúc hơn bất cứ thứ gì. Bên nhau xin đừng làm tổn thương vì ai cũng có quyền được yêu thương. Người đó có thể bên nhau hiện tại nhưng không chắc có thể đi cùng ta cả đời. Trót thương nhau rồi, xin đừng làm nhau đau.

Trót thương một người là mong muốn yên bình. Cùng ai đó buồn vui, cùng cười và cùng khóc. Cùng hỏi han nhau, cùng nắm tay qua bao năm tháng mệt nhọc. Qua những khó khăn, ai đó vẫn yêu nhiều. Em muốn thương một người, thương cách bình dị nhất và cùng nhau đi hết cuộc đời. Em muốn thương một người, một người sẵn sàng chia sẻ với em mọi chuyện vui buồn trong cuộc sống, một người có thể cho em những lời khuyên khi em cần và ngược lại; một người đủ kiên nghị và vững chãi cho em dựa dẫm khi cuộc đời đầy chông chênh; một người đủ bao dung để chấp nhận cả những lỗi lầm của em; một người mà em không cần phải tỏ ra mạnh mẽ khi bên cạnh người đó.

Trót thương ai đó rồi, mình chỉ muốn được yêu. Mình biết ai đó còn đau rất nhiều từ quá khứ nhưng ai đó nghe mình đi, đừng gìn giữ nữa mà. Khi biết ai đó không thương mình, sao vẫn còn thiết tha. Đừng cố nữa khi phải tỏ ra là mình đang yên ổn. Thương một người là nuốt nước mắt mặn đắng khi biết rằng giờ này người đang ở bên ai đó, tự hỏi trái tim mình sao ngu ngốc, sao lại yêu người chẳng màng khổ đau. Người nói yêu mình tha thiết nhưng người cũng không thể bỏ ai đó, người ích kỷ thế đấy nhưng sao mình chả thể buông nhẹ nhàng như mình từng nghĩ. Thương một người là hy sinh, là đau đớn, là cam chịu, là nhẫn nhịn, là tim rỉ máu nhưng cứ gặp người là vết thương lại lành. Vậy là mình cô đơn giữa những chốn đông người.

Tuổi trẻ của chúng ta trôi qua, dù vui hay buồn, đều có những vết xước trong tim. Có người chọn mang theo những nỗi đau ấy, có người chọn can đảm đối mặt, để trái tim yên lành, để những năm tháng về sau không còn xót thương người cũ. Sau một tình yêu, là rất nhiều nỗi buồn và muôn vàn đau đớn. Có những ký ức cần chúng ta phải quên đi, có những hoài niệm cần chúng ta chôn giấu để tiếp tục cuộc hành trình tìm kiếm yêu thương và hạnh phúc của mình. Nhưng chắc chắn, dù có dại ngờ, ngây ngốc vì tình yêu ấy bao nhiêu, chúng ta cũng không bao giờ tiếc nuối hay chối từ tuổi trẻ nhiệt thành dám yêu, dám hận, dám hy sinh và từ bỏ một người. Chúng ta thường chỉ nhớ đến những nỗi buồn, người từng làm ta tổn thương nhưng lại rất ít khi nhớ đến thời gian hạnh phúc hay có người quan tâm, lo lắng cho ta. Dù người ấy làm trái tim ta đau nhưng bản thân vẫn nhớ, quan tâm, dõi theo hình bóng đó.

Cảm ơn ai đó đã luôn lặng lẽ chắp vá những nát nhàu, rồi dịu dàng xoa dịu những niềm đau, vùi sâu buồn tủi của em vào dĩ vãng. Cảm ơn cuộc đời cho em có được tình yêu của người, hạnh phúc ngọt ngào với em vì còn có ai đó mà chưa bao giờ là muộn, vòng tay ấm, làn môi ấm, nụ hôn nồng nàn đã lặng thầm theo em vào những đêm say giấc không mộng mị.

“Dẫu là hôm nay hay đến tận mai sau
Em cũng sẽ đợi chờ anh, vì trái tim em muốn thế
Trái đất tròn không gì là không thể…
Lỡ thương rồi em biết phải làm sao?”

<Trích trong Bài thơ “Lỡ thương rồi em biết phải làm sao?” Của Ziken>

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