Gia đình – cái nôi và thành trì của thông minh cảm xúc

*Nguồn: http://www.giadinhonline.vn/gia-dinh--cai-noi-va-thanh-tri-cua-thong-minh-cam-xuc-d15027.html). Ai ai cũng đều bắt đầu đời người trong sự chào đón hân hoan của gia đình và kết thúc cuộc sống, ra đi trong sự khóc thương của gia đình. Yêu thương, đùm bọc, vị tha, những cái đang thiếu trầm trọng ở xã hội hiện đại, chỉ có thể tìm thấy ở gia đình. Trân quí, bảo vệ và phát triển thiết chế nền tảng của xã hội – gia đình là nhiệm vụ thiêng liêng của mỗi cá nhân và của toàn xã hội - tiến sỹ Phan Quốc Việt nói.


 

“Ai ai cũng có ước mơ giàu sang

 

Để muốn thay đổi cuộc sống này”.

Hai câu đầu của bài hát “Khát vọng thượng lưu” đã chỉ rõ cái ham muốn chính đáng của con người. Nhưng tại sao ít người thành công, hoặc nhiều người thành công rồi không hạnh phúc, thậm chí bất hạnh, đổ bể.

Muốn thành công rõ ràng là phải có năng lực. Chúng ta luôn nói về năng lực con người, đổ ra nhiều tiền của để thảo các nghị quyết và đào tạo để nâng cao năng lực của con người, nhưng ít ai biết năng lực con người gồm những gì? Năng lực con người gồm: kiến thức, kỹ năng và thái độ. Để đầu tư cho phát triển năng lực chúng ta cần biết rõ hơn tầm quan trọng của mỗi cấu thành năng lực.

Thế giới đã nghiên cứu về năng lực của con người hàng nghìn năm nay, nhưng mãi đến năm 1995 Daniel Goleman mới đưa ra khái niệm thông minh cảm xúc (cần nói thêm ở đây sách của ông được dịch ra tiếng Việt, nhưng lại là trí tuệ cảm xúc).

Ông đưa ra một con số làm cả thế giới giật mình, đó là thông minh cảm xúc – EI (Emotional Intelligence) chiếm tới 80% năng lực con người. Thông minh logic, cái mà lâu nay ta tập trung để giáo dục và ca ngợi – IQ chỉ chiếm 20%.

Một đặc điểm nữa là càng cao tuổi, càng có địa vị xã hội quan trọng hơn thì tỉ trọng dùng thông minh cảm xúc càng lấn át thông minh logic. Và cũng thật bất ngờ, ít ai biết rằng cách đây gần 300 năm, một người Việt nam đã định nghĩa rất chính xác về tỷ trọng này, đó là thông minh cảm xúc chiếm 75% sự thành đạt và hạnh phúc của con người. “Chữ tâm kia mới bằng 3 chữ tài”, Nguyễn Du khẳng định.

Ông còn nhấn mạnh thêm “Có tài mà cậy chi tài, chữ Tài liền với chữ Tai một vần”. Trong cuộc sống hiện đại chúng luôn đích mục sở thị bao nhiêu gương đại gia tài ba khuynh gia bại sản, ngồi nhà đá, thậm chí còn bị tử hình. Nguyễn Du xứng đáng là danh nhân văn hóa đã đi trước thời đại hàng trăm năm.

Cái mà cả xã hội quan tâm, xót xa, tranh cãi hàng chục năm nay đấy là cải cách giáo dục, đầu ra của giáo dục, làm thế nào nâng cao năng lực của con người, để Việt Nam “sánh vai với các cường quốc năm châu”. Rõ ràng là phải dịch chuyển từ trọng tâm là nhồi kiến thức sang trọng tâm làm giàu cảm xúc, rèn đức rồi mới luyện tài. Đào tạo con người hồng trước rồi chuyên sau, “tiên học lễ hậu học văn”.

Làm thế nào để dịch chuyển từ con người-học vẹt sang con người-cảm xúc? “Nghèo cũng phải cho thằng Tèo ra thành phố” là sự mong mỏi của bà con nông dân lối xóm tâm sự với nhau. “Nghèo cũng phải cho thằng Tèo đi Tây” - đấy là cái “ý chí” của các gia đình trung lưu ở thành phố. Người ta đã mất hết lòng tin vào nền giáo dục nước nhà. Nhưng ít ai biết rằng cái mất lớn nhất không phải vậy, cái mất lớn nhất là chúng ta không hiểu được cái quan trọng nhất của năng lực con người chính là thông minh cảm xúc. Mà thông minh cảm xúc thì nơi đào tạo chính nhất là gia đình mình, là chính từ những người nai lung ra kiếm tiền để đầu tư cho con đi du học. Cái nguy hiểm hiện nay là chúng ta chỉ lo kiếm tiền rồi khoán trắng cho nhà trường về sinh mệnh của con cái mình.

“Con nhà tông không giống lông cũng giống cánh”, “Giỏ nhà ai quai nhà nấy”, chúng ta mới hiểu ở sự giống nhau về mặt bề ngoài, hình thức. Nhưng cái quan trọng hơn là giống nhau về tính cách, tình cảm, thái độ, giá trị sống. "Con vua thì lại làm vua, con sãi ở chùa thì quét lá đa" cũng là để chỉ sự kế thừa truyền thống, lối sống, cảm xúc, ý chí của gia đình, dòng tộc, quê hương, sự kế thừa giá trị sống, thái độ sống. “Rau nào, sâu nấy”, cha mẹ mà hư hỏng chắc chắn có bao nhiêu tiền thì cũng chỉ tạo ra những đứa con hỏng hư.

Chúng ta đang lao vào lập công ty, khởi nghiệp, ít ai biết rằng đa số các công ty chết yểu ngay năm đầu tiên, phần lớn phá sản ở giai đoạn 3-5 năm, chỉ một vài phần tram tồn tại quá 10 năm. Chỉ có gia đình, dòng họ, quê hương là trường tồn.

Thế giới càng bấp bênh, kinh tế càng khủng hoảng, cướp, giết, hiếp càng gia tăng thì gia gia đình càng quan trọng. Dù có làm ông nọ, bà kia, dù có tậu xe, tậu nhà cũng chỉ là gia tang cảm xúc. Cái nôi và thành trì của cảm xúc chính là gia đình. “Dân giàu nước mạnh”. Văn hóa gia đình vững mạnh chính là cái nôi và thành trì của văn hóa dân tộc. Văn hóa vững mạnh thì dân tộc trường tồn vĩ đại.

Cảm xúc chính là khởi nguồn là sức mạnh và cũng là đích đến của mọi hoạt động xã hội. Gia đình vừa là cái nôi, vừa là thành trì của cảm xúc, chúng ta phải biết trân quí, bảo vệ, phát triển thiết chế nền tảng của xã hội – gia đình.

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