Thơ vui của Tống Ngọc Trung

 

CHO VỀ COI GỐC CHANH

 

Chẳng chịu đi thực tế

Chỉ quanh quẩn “vườn” nhà

Lấy “báo cáo”, “tổng kết”

Rồi thêm vào thịt da

Thấy ở đâu hội họp

Động thổ hay khai trương

Biết sẽ có “cơ chế”

Là le te lên đường

Chữ nghĩa như gà bới

Cũng hội nọ nhóm kia

Sở trường “sưu, xào, đạo”

Sở thích: Rượu, gái, bia

Ngày “Nhà báo” sắp đến

Để trang viết sáng danh

Những gà què ăn quẩn

Cho về coi gốc chanh.

 

THƯƠNG LẤY NHAU CÙNG



Mình ơi thương lấy tôi cùng
Tuy rằng khác giới nhưng chung một giường
Một rằng thương, hai rằng thương
Có mấy trăm bạc tiền lương còn sờ
Ô hay, của ruộng đắp bờ
So bó đũa, chọn cột cờ... được anh
Lá rách sở cậy lá lành
Tìm sao được mỡ trong sành mà mong
Cá có con, tiền có đồng
Nuôi con dẫu lục túi chồng chẳng sai
Hay là người đã nghe ai
Kéo khoá túi dưới, kim gài túi trên
Thôi đừng buộc chặt lạt mềm
Một năm ở bằng một đêm đó mình

Người ta vợ giận thì kinh
Tôi nay vợ giận ra đình... đánh đu!

 

BỜM THỜI @


Bờm vừa đổi được nắm xôi
Đã có cô đến chia tôi một phần
Bờm rằng Bờm để Bờm ăn
Em xin sửa túi nâng khăn cho chàng
Xin cô! Tôi đâu dám màng
Nhỡ cô mắc bệnh, đổ qoàng sang tôi
Ồ không, em rất tuyệt vời
Ma tuý chẳng nghiện, chơi bời cũng chưa
Nếu cô không họ nhà lừa
Thì đi xét nghiệm, giấy đưa tôi cầm
Mà không, Bờm chẳng yên tâm
Dịch vụ xét nghiệm nếu nhầm thì sao
Âm, dương (- +) khác mấy đâu nào
Tránh xa là "nhất", Bờm cao nước cờ

Thằng Bờm có cái quạt mo
Đổi được bữa chén đã cho rằng hời
Phú ông giấu quạt một nơi
Đề phòng mất điện, rong chơi mặc lòng.

 

MƯỜI YÊU

Một yêu anh có xe hơi
Hai yêu nhà lớn ngự nơi mặt đường
Ba yêu công chức cao lương
Bốn yêu có máu văn chương trong lòng
Năm yêu quảng đại đàn ông
Lục tiền nắn túi cũng không bảo gì
Sáu yêu không tính đa nghi
Về khuya, điện thoại cười khì cho qua
Bảy yêu bố mẹ chưa già
Bế cháu, nhờ vả... gọi là vô tư
Tám yêu xe chạy từ từ
Ngồi xe cảm giác cũng như ngồi nhà
Chín yêu tệ nạn không sa
Mười yêu Lao Ái thua xa trên giường

 

 

 

NỐI TIẾP CA DAO

 

Đêm qua mới thật là đêm 
Ruột xót như muối dạ mềm như dưa
Tình tiền cúng bái đã đưa
quyết định bổ nhiệm sao chưa thấy về

Người khôn rào trước đón sau
để cho kẻ dại biết đâu mà dò.
Trả lời người hỏi quanh co
đến nhiệm kỳ tới thì cho chuyển vùng

Đêm qua đốt đỉnh hương trầm

Khói lên nghi ngút âm thầm lòng ai
Khẩn cầu quỷ thần hai vai
Cho con "hưu muộn" được vài ba năm.

Con vua thì lại làm vua
Con sãi ở chùa lại quét lá đa
Bây giờ đến thời chúng ta
Con Tổng Giám đốc lại là Ủy viên

Biét nhau từ thuở buôn thừng
Năm chắp ba nối xin đừng quên nhau
Ghét nhau từ thuở buôn rau
Không trong danh mục, thuốc Tàu cứ phun

Qua đình ngả nón trông đình
Đình bao nhiêu ngói thương mình bấy nhiêu
Thời gian mưa nắng... đình xiêu
Trùng tu đi, có tiền tiêu dài dài.

Cau non trầu lộc mỉa mai
Da trắng tóc dài, đẹp với ai đây
Làm dáng để lấy chồng tây
Chân bùn tay lấm từ nay mặc chồng

Tay tiên rót chén rượu đào
Đổ đi thì tiếc uống vào thì say
Gái tơ nghiêng chén rượu Tây
Nâng phong bì nặng, duyệt ngay đứ đừ

Muốn sang thì bắc cầu kiều

Muốn con hay chữ thì yêu lấy thầy

Phong bao đưa bằng hai tay

Sờ chân thầy bảo: Cái này nữa cơ!

 

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