Một bài thơ hay viết về vợ

Những sợi trắng trên tóc vợ

Không phải sợi trắng đâu

Đó là nỗi xót xa đời anh,

đã không thể làm cuộc sống của em tươi sáng hơn

Không phải sợi bạc đâu

Đó là sự hổ thẹn của đời anh,

trước những cám dỗ hư vinh mà anh thường sa ngã

Không phải sợi trắng đâu

Đó là sám hối của đời anh khi đã từng quên em

để chạy theo một nụ cười xa lạ

Không phải sợi bạc đâu

Đó là nỗi ngậm ngùi của đời anh,

không thể dắt em qua những cơn hoang nạn

Không phải sợi trắng đâu

Đó là bất lực của đời anh,

trước những phi lí của nhân gian mà anh đành nhắm mắt

Không phải sợi trắng đâu

Không phải sợi bạc đâu

Đó là nỗi buồn nghìn năm gửi lại

Đó là nước mắt nghìn năm vương lại

Đó là dấu bầm dập của thời gian

Đó là vết roi lương tâm hằn trên mặt đất

Không phải chỉ là em

Không phải chỉ là anh

Dẫu mai sau

Thịt da đã nghìn lần tan nát

Thì tóc trắng vẫn bay.

Bay trắng thế gian này.

Hồ Thủy Giang (Tập thơ “Bạn với cỏ cây” - NXB Lao động, 2013)

Bài thơ có tên là “Những sợi trắng trên tóc vợ” nhưng câu thơ mở đầu lại phủ định lại điều đó một cách nhẹ nhàng, điềm tĩnh: “Không phải sợi trắng đâu”. Thật tự nhiên không một chút gọt giũa. Tưởng như vô lý nhưng lại có lý khi tác giả lần lượt giãi bày nguyên do vì sao như vậy:

Đó là sự hổ thẹn của đời anh,

trước những cám dỗ hư vinh mà anh thường sa ngã

Đó là sám hối của đời anh,

khi đã từng quên em để chạy theo một nụ cười xa lạ

Đó là nỗi ngậm ngùi của đời anh,

không thể dắt em qua những cơn hoang nạn

Đó là bất lực của đời anh,

trước những phi lí của nhân gian mà anh đành nhắm mắt

Đọc đoạn thơ này nói tới cảm nhận của người chồng về những hi sinh của vợ. Khi nhìn thấy những sợi tóc trắng trên đầu vợ, tác giả càng hối hận: Đó là “nỗi xót xa”, là “sự hổ thẹn”, là “sám hối”, là “bất lực” của đời anh, đã không thể làm cuộc sống của em được tươi sáng, được hạnh phúc hơn. Không miêu tả ngoại hình người vợ mà bằng cái lý của con tim trong tình yêu, người vợ hiện lên trong tâm trí bạn đọc với những vất vả, gian truân của cuộc đời khi người chồng “có lỗi”. Hiểu được điều đó, qua thơ, nhân vật trữ tình đã bộc lộ sự cảm thông, yêu thương trân trọng người vợ của mình.

Dường như những nhà thơ khác viết về vợ (hầu như chỉ “khen” hoặc nói những điều tốt đẹp), ở đây tác giả phải là một người chồng có trách nhiệm, yêu vợ thì mới “chất vấn lương tâm” như vậy. Người chồng trong bài thơ khi nghĩ về những gì đã và chưa làm được thấy thương vợ, thấu hiểu vợ mình hơn. Lần lượt đến cuối bài, tác giả nhận lỗi về mình rồi “giải thích” lý do. Phủ nhận nhưng cũng là để khẳng định đó là do những lỗi lầm của mình, “không thể làm cho cuộc sống của em tươi sáng hơn/ không thể dắt em đi qua những cơn hoang nạn”.

Với trái tim của người đã làm vợ, làm mẹ thầm mách bảo khiến tôi thấy mình trong đó. Đột nhiên, tôi lại vơ vẩn buồn và hơi ghen tị vì có mấy ai viết về vợ cảm xúc như thế. Bài thơ sử dụng biện pháp điệp cấu trúc câu: “Không phải”, “Đó là” như lời bác bỏ nhưng thực chất là cách nhà thơ gián tiếp bày tỏ sự biết ơn với vợ mình, thậm chí là “sám hối” của lương tâm để tâm hồn được thanh thản:

Không phải sợi trắng đâu

Không phải sợi bạc đâu

Đó là nỗi buồn nghìn năm gửi lại

Đó là nước mắt nghìn năm vương lại

Đó là dấu bầm dập của thời gian

Đó là vết roi lương tâm hằn trên mặt đất

Chừng như không có một giọt nước mắt nào, không có cuộc cãi lộn nào nhưng ta thấy người chồng trong bài thơ rơi vào bi kịch của sự nuối tiếc. Bi kịch khi đánh mất thứ gì quý giá lắm. Để có được hạnh phúc bình dị ấy nào phải dễ dàng. “Hạnh phúc là đấu tranh” – đây là quy luật muôn đời của xã hội. Say mê tiền bạc, danh vọng, địa vị hay say mê hưởng thụ những phút giây lạc thú chỉ khiến lương tâm cắt rứt theo thời gian.

Đoạn kết bài thơ lại khẳng định lại tất cả:

Không phải chỉ là em

Không phải chỉ là anh

Dẫu mai sau

Thịt da đã nghìn lần tan nát

Thì tóc trắng vẫn bay.

Bay trắng thế gian này.

Nhà thơ tuyên bố rất hùng hồn: “Dẫu mai sau/ Thịt da đã nghìn lần tan nát/ Thì tóc trắng vẫn bay. Bay trắng thế gian này.” Câu thơ cuối dùng cũng là câu thơ duy nhất trong bài có dấu chấm giữa câu. Điều này làm tôi đặc biệt chú ý. Dấu chấm giữa câu thơ như một nốt lặng, ngập ngừng và như để nhấn mạnh. Phải chăng, khi tình yêu của vợ chồng quá lớn đến tận mai sau sẽ hóa vào mây trắng bay trên bầu trời.

Thực là những câu chữ quen thuộc, thế nhưng phải tinh ý mới nhận ra thứ tình nghĩa hết sức sâu đậm mà nhà thơ đã dành cho vợ. Còn hạnh phúc nào hơn khi được nghe chồng mình chiêm nghiệm và tự nói lên những điều như vậy. Vậy đấy, hạnh phúc có ở đâu xa. Hạnh phúc là giá trị của sự can đảm, tác giả can đảm thú nhận lỗi lầm của mình như một lời cảm thông đủ để bù đắp cho nỗi vất vả của vợ.

Bài thơ không dài, nó như một sự dồn nén những cảm xúc chân thật. Cảm xúc của nhà thơ là cảm xúc của một người đàn ông từng trải khi sống lại với kỉ niệm đã qua. Nó thanh khiết mà sâu lắng, nó đau đớn mà không quá bi lụy. Một sự hi sinh của người vợ không nề hà, một tấm lòng vị tha chân thành cao thượng làm nên một tình yêu đẹp, một tình yêu không có sự toan tính, vị kỷ, tầm thường. Những sợi trắng trên tóc vợ - một bài thơ “phủ định như khẳng định” của Hồ Thủy Giang là một sự tự vấn lòng mình không phải người chồng nào cũng làm được. Tôi tin rằng những người vợ cùng cảnh ngộ sẽ hiểu được tâm trạng và chia sẻ cùng nhà thơ khi đọc bài thơ này.

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