HÀ NỘI CỦA TÔI

Thứ bảy, 10-10-2020

Tôi trở về Hà Nội sau gần nửa năm ở nước ngoài, sau 9 tháng không hát, sau một mùa Covid đi qua.
Thủ đô rộng lớn với cảm giác của cánh đồng vừa gặt xong. Mưa thu ngai ngái, lòng người bâng khuâng.Cái giăng mắc của làn mưa thu thấm đẫm màu xanh của lá, màu cũ xì thân cây, màu mốc meo phố cũ, màu đen buồn mắt ai, làm nhoà đi cái sắc màu có phần quá rực rỡ của phố thu nhộn nhịp, xe cộ muôn chiều như mắc cửi.

Thu Hà Nội 2020 có gì khác?

Trái với dự đoán của nhiều người trong việc giảm chi tiêu thời Covid, hiệu bánh trung thu truyền thống trên đường Thuỵ Khuê vẫn đông hơn trảy hội. Một tổ công an giao thông vẫn phải hoạt động nhiều giờ tại địa bàn này. Tôi chưa bao giờ kém cạnh, luôn có cho mình hai hộp dẻo nướng thập cẩm, mỗi hộp bốn chiếc, cho mình và ông bố vốn chỉ ăn bánh "đúng kiểu". Kết quả là bố rất vui, còn con lên hai cân nhá. Lũ trẻ thì không ăn, vì thấy nó ngọt quá, vả lại làm đèn và rước đèn là vui lắm rồi, không cần bánh. Chúng không có một tuổi thơ kiểu truyền thống như ông ngoại và mẹ để mà nhớ về. Chúng tiếp tục truyền thống này theo cách "ngày nay", rộn ràng không kém.

Con đường Điện Biên Phủ cuốn tròn tuổi thơ tôi giờ khác xa nhiều lắm. Mở mắt ra là hiện tại, nhắm mắt lại thấy ký ức. Lòng đường nhựa rộng, phồng lên như dòng sông tràn nước, với hai vỉa hè lớn có hai hàng sấu già rợp bóng, nơi mùa thu nhẹ mát, mùa hạ kéo giao hưởng ve sầu qua đêm... giờ nhường chỗ cho các cửa hàng, cửa hiệu, các nhà xây nhiều kiến trúc rất thách thức, nổi bật, chen chúc, đẩy lùi các villa Pháp cổ chỉ còn thoáng thấy sau các bảng hiệu nhấp nhoáng màu.

Nhiều đứa bạn hồi bé bảo không đi qua lại con đường tuổi thơ này nữa, vì thấy đau lòng quá. Tôi thì vẫn trở về, vẫn thấy gốc cây sấu to trước cửa số nhà 11, nơi tôi được sinh ra và để lại ký ức 18 năm đầu tiên của cuộc đời. Quanh gốc cây to xù xì ấy, bọn trẻ con chúng tôi đã tưởng tượng ra bao nhiêu chuyện cổ tích, cùng xây bao nhiêu cung điện, núi đồi, sông suối... Cũng là dưới gốc cây sấu ngày gió mùa đông bắc, cô gái Bống có nụ hôn đầu tiên, để bâng khuâng cả đêm mất ngủ...

Phố ơi có nhớ
Bên căn gác nhỏ
Nơi tôi mơ thấy
Tình yêu đầu tiên...

(Phố à phố ơi - Lưu Hà An viết cho Hồng Nhung)

Vẫn trên con phố vỉa hè rộng hun hút gió đông đêm nào, tiếng rao của bà bán ngô rang, hạt dẻ như là mang đến chút ấm áp thơm nồng. Dù có nằm sâu trong chăn, đóng cửa kín mít thì vẫn cứ nghe thấy tiếng rao của bà từ đầu đường văng vẳng. Tôi cứ nghĩ, giá giọng mình mà vang như thế thì chắc hát ở Nhà hát lớn không cần micro.

Hà Nội của một thời lãng mạn đang sang trang. Vào cái năm 2020 đầy biến động này, nghệ sĩ chúng tôi cùng cả nước chung tay vào cuộc chiến chống Covid. Xa rời cái sôi động của giới "showbiz", ai cũng có cách suy ngẫm riêng về quá khứ, tương lai, về gia đình, về quê hương... Thu Hà Nội trong cái nhìn của nhiều người là cốm xanh, là hoa cúc trắng li ti, đẹp nao lòng. Còn với tôi, là sự khép lại của cuốn phim với hình ảnh những bác sĩ, y tá màn trời chiếu đất; những đôi mắt hốc đen đau đáu của các chiến sĩ tuyến đầu; những khu phố ngăn rào cách ly, yên ắng, lo sợ và tan hoang; đàn con Việt Nam trở về quê hương trong những bộ áo xanh kín mít.

2020 cũng đánh dấu mất mát to lớn với sự ra đi của nhiều nghệ sĩ tài năng, để lại những tác phẩm để đời cho nền văn hoá nghệ thuật nước nhà.

Trải qua những khó khăn, mất mát, những người con nơi đây đã làm nên một quê hương đáng tự hào. Có mở mắt để thấy hiện tại, hay nhắm mắt để thấy ký ức, thì "dù có đi bốn phương trời, lòng vẫn nhớ về Hà Nội". Hà Nội 1 hay Hà Nội 2, Hà Nội xưa hay Hà Nội nay, có một quê hương không bao giờ thay đổi: ấy là một Hà Nội trong tâm hồn tôi.

Tôi ước một ngày không xa, khi những khó khăn trước mắt nguôi đi phần nào, những người con Hà nội được trở về với công cuộc kiến thiết, trả lại những con phố vẻ đẹp ngàn năm văn hiến, tái tạo kiến trúc ghi dấu lịch sử uy nghi với vẻ đẹp thanh tao, khiêm nhường.

Yêu Hà Nội hôm nay, tôi ước để lại cho thế hệ mai sau một quê hương để các con nâng niu, gìn giữ. Quê hương ấy là cội nguồn, cho các con niềm tự hào, sự tự tin khi hoà mình vào thế giới.

Hồng Nhung

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