Bí quyết làm quan

Tôi cả đời phấn đấu mãi, cố gắng mãi, nhiệt tình và sáng tạo mãi để mong có ngày được cất nhắc làm lãnh đạo. Vậy mà chờ mãi, đợi mãi vẫn không thấy đến lượt. Có lần liếc trộm cái danh sách cất nhắc thấy rõ ràng tên mình cạnh số 1 đã khấp khởi mừng thầm, gọi bạn bè đi liên hoan nháp lia lịa. Thế rồi vẫn thấy hết người nọ được cất nhắc đến người kia được đề bạt còn mình thì vẫn...tèo. Sau đó tình cờ một dịp có cơ hội tôi được xem lại danh sách thì mới phát hiện ra rằng: hóa ra tên tôi xếp thứ..11. Nghĩa là còn khuya mới đến lượt!

Gần đây tôi gặp một đứa bạn. Nó không xinh bằng tôi, không giỏi bằng tôi, không chăm chỉ bằng tôi... thế nhưng nó cứ thăng tiến vù vù...loáng cái đã lên chức to vật vã, tiền bạc rủng rỉnh, xe hơi, nhà lầu, khẽ ho là người thăm hỏi vòng trong vòng ngoài. Tôi cũng như mọi người nhìn nó như nhìn cái nóc nhà.

Vốn thân nhau,một lần tôi bảo: "Mày đúng là đứa tốt số nên cứ có chức là có tên mày". Con bạn tôi cười to và bảo: "Chả có số xiếc gì đâu. Chẳng qua tao có bí quyết làm quan nên nó mới dễ thăng tiến, thế thôi". Nói rồi nó vạch ống tay áo lên cho tôi xem: Phía bắp tay sát nách của nó có xăm một hình quân cờ màu đỏ. Nhìn qua cũng thấy ngay đó là quân TỐT ĐỎ.

Tôi đang còn ngơ ngác thì nó giải thích:

- Ngày xưa đi học, cứ nộp bài thì giấy trắng mực đen ra đó nên mày giỏi thì được điểm cao. Tao dốt thì bị điểm xấu. Nhưng làm quan là một công năng khác. Nó hoàn toàn không giống khi ta đi học. Nó là bí quyết đến từ việc người ta có thấu hiểu được cái lẽ tự nhiên không mà thôi.

- Tôi sốt ruột : "Mày cứ nói toẹt ra đi, vòng vo tam quốc mãi"!

- Đấy, biết ngay mà, nguyên cái tính đó của mày đã khiến mày...đến đời sang tiểu lần thứ 3 cũng chưa thành quan được. Sếp chưa nói xong mày đã cãi xong rồi đúng không?

- Thì mày tính: Sếp tao trình độ chuyên môn cũng tầm tầm thôi nhưng lúc nào cũng tỏ ra ta là nhất, cái gì tôi cũng đã biết, tôi quyết cái gì cũng trúng, tôi chỉ cần búng thì cái gì cũng thành công. Vĩ cuồng như thế thì bố đứa nào nó chịu đựng nổi?

- Thế cơ quan mày có ban lãnh đạo không?

- Có, Cũng ban bệ đàng hoàng nhưng vào cuộc họp hay khi có công việc khó cần giải quyết thì hệt như đàn cừu. Thậm chí chả dám kêu be be ấy chứ!

- Thấy chưa? Nó reo lên, Vậy là đàn cừu đó toàn người thấu hiểu cái lẽ tự nhiên của bí quyết làm quan đấy nhé.

- Thật à? Mày giải thích tao nghe xem nào?

- Thế này nhé: Theo tự nhiên khi tao bắt đầu đến cơ quan công tác. Tao nói: "Thưa anh, em rất vui khi được về cơ quan mình làm việc. Mong anh và mọi người quan tâm dạy dỗ, chỉ bảo cho em. Em xin cố gắng hết sức để theo kịp mọi người ạ". Sếp cười rất nhân hậu và vỗ vào đầu tao bảo: TỐT, TỐT. Tao lập tức hiểu rằng để trở thành nhân viên khiến Sếp hài lòng. Tao phải luôn tự xác định mình là TỐT trong mọi trường hợp. Từ đó trở đi tao biến mình thành quân TỐT đen. Sai gì cũng làm, bảo đi đâu đi đấy, bảo làm gì làm đúng như thế. Cái gì cần quyết định thì tao xin ý kiến chỉ đạo. Sếp ốm đau, đi nơi này nơi kia...tao hầu hạ hết lòng. Việc Sếp làm đúng sai tao hoan hô hết, nhất trí hết. Sếp vui lắm và rất quí tao. Mỗi lần cất nhắc, đề bạt sếp lại nhắc: Tôi mong rằng đồng chí sẽ làm TỐT hơn nữa. Mọi người trong cơ quan cũng đều nhận xét rằng: Chị ấy là người rất TỐT. Bởi vì kể cả ở cương vị lãnh đạo mình cũng phải xác định mình luôn là TỐT trong mắt mọi người: Họ có việc gì mình quan tâm và hô hào mọi người quan tâm. xét cho cùng mình cũng chỉ góp một xuất, xe cộ thì của nhà nước, lương bổng thì cơ quan trả. Mình có mất thêm gì đâu! Cứ thế dần dần tao thành TỐT đỏ. Rồi khi có cơ hội thì TỐT biến thành HẬU. Khi đó thì mình dưới một người trên muôn người. Thế thôi!

Ngừng một lát nó nói tiếp: Mày không lên lãnh đạo được không phải tại mày ngu mà bởi mày thông minh quá. Vấn đề Sếp còn chưa nghĩ ra thì cứ để Sếp nghĩ vì sinh ra Sếp để người ta nghĩ mà. Khi nào Sếp nghĩ xong thì mình ca ngợi Sếp là thiên tài. Đằng này mày nói béng ra phương án thì có phải mày ám chỉ Sếp ngu không? Mày làm điều đó trong cuộc họp thì mày càng ĐẠI NGU. Thế là mày KHÔNG TỐT. Không phải TỐT thì mày là ai? mày là XE để chèn Sếp à? Mày là PHÁO để bắn Sếp à. Mày là MÃ để vượt lên Sếp à? Vớ vẩn (!)... chả Sếp nào cho mày cơ hội đâu.

- Mày nói nghe cũng có lí. Nhưng tao hỏi mày: Toàn những vấn đề đơn giản mà cái đầu đất của Sếp có nghĩ ra đâu. Nay đưa ra thử sáng kiến, mai lại thấy nó chính là tối kiến. Cứ loay hoay thử thế này thế kia mãi tốn kém tiền của, sức lực và thời gian. Trong khi mình nhìn vấn đề nó rõ như ban ngày rồi, có gì đâu mà phải loanh quanh mãi. Đã thế mấy thằng nịnh còn tung hô nữa...

- Thế tao hỏi mày sống cho mày hay mày sống cho mọi người? Nếu mày sống cho mày - Nghĩa là mày muốn có chức danh, có phụ cấp, có cơ hội kiếm tiền thì mày phải là TỐT - TỐT nghĩa là em không biết gì hết, không nghĩ gì, đánh giá gì, có trách nhiệm gì hết. Sếp bảo làm em làm, bảo phá em phá, em Rô bốt! Mọi sự đúng sai Sếp quyết, Sếp chịu. Nếu Sếp bảo em chịu thay thì Sếp đương nhiên phải tính sao để em không bị thiệt chứ. Tao nhớ có một thằng rất khôn: Sếp tao quí nó như con, bữa đó gọi nó lên hỏi nó có làm giám đốc công ty X được không. Nó bảo: "Con làm được hay không là do ông chứ có phải do con đâu. Nếu ông bảo con làm thì con làm". Sếp cười bảo: Có chế tài sẵn cho mày rồi, về đó cứ gửi công văn là việc nó ùn ùn kéo đến thôi. Quả nhiên ít lâu sau công ty đó nhận huân chương lao động hạng nhất. Sau này thằng đó phạm khuyết điểm. Sếp tạo điều kiện cho nó chuyển sang chuyên trách công đoàn ngành. Lại ngon!

Còn nếu mày tính sống cho mọi người, sống cho xã hội thì mày đấu tranh để đưa bằng được ý kiến đúng của mày vào thực hiện. Thực hiện xong nếu kết quả ngon lành thì lãnh đạo cấp trên cũng vẫn khen thưởng cho Sếp mày (Vì mày có được đi dự tổng kết dự án đâu! Nếu đi dự thì những người TỐT kia có bầu mày đâu, mày bị lãng quên bởi vì tài năng của Sếp là ở chỗ đã chỉ đạo mọi người thực hiện phương án này). Nhưng trong mắt Sếp mày, mày vẫn là cái gai. Chả bao giờ mày thăng tiến được. Trường hợp nếu phương án của mày có sai sót thì mày còn bị thanh trừng nữa ấy chứ.

Mày đã chọn lối này thì làm sao lối kia mở ra được. Đấy là còn chưa kế mày không hiểu được thiên cơ. Sự vòng vèo đôi khi không phải bởi Sếp dốt, kém mà nó là thiên cơ, Chính Sếp cũng đang phải làm TỐT với Sếp của ông ấy. Có thể chính Sếp của Sếp cũng đang làm TỐT cho cấp trên của mình. Một tiếng trống của mày làm hỏng cả thiên cơ. Bao nhiêu sự sắp đặt công phu với dằng dặc nào A, B, B phấy, B hai phẩy...đều đổ bể. Nếu gặp chuyện này. Mày bị kỷ luật, bị về hưu sớm là cái chắc. Ai đỡ mày?

Tôi ngẫm lại cuộc đời mình, cơ quan mình và phải công nhận là bí quyết của nó tuyệt đối đúng. Quả thật, với quan điểm sống trung thực, thẳng thắn và đầy nhiệt huyết của mình, tôi không bao giờ được đề bạt là chính xác. Tự nhiên tôi lại phì cười khi nó nói: "Mày thử thay đổi cái nhìn của mình đi, cũng chưa muộn, tuy về hưu mày vẫn có thể trở thành tổ trưởng dân phố đấy".

Nhân buổi giỗ họ, tôi kể cho mọi người nghe câu chuyện này. Ai cũng tán đồng: Làm quan như thế chả trách xã hội bây giờ toàn quan ngu, quan tham, quan ác, quan hách ... sẵn sàng vì tiền mà bán nước hại dân.

Chỉ có mẹ tôi - đã gần đất xa trời - thủng thẳng bảo: Xã hội bây giờ nhiều quan xấu thì lỗi bởi tại những người như các con: Các con thông minh, giỏi giang nhưng không tu tâm để đạt chân - thiện - nhẫn mà chỉ huênh hoang khoe giỏi, khoe tài chẳng biết kính trên nhường dưới để trở thành người tốt, làm nhiều việc ích lợi cho dân, cho nước nhờ vận dụng tài đức của mình khiến cho bọn sâu bọ mới có cơ hội lên làm người như thế chứ. Thử hỏi trong lúc mải cười người ta vì ngu mà để nước mất liệu nhà có tan không?

Chúng tôi nhìn nhau chả ai biết nói gì. Bởi họ nhà tôi nổi tiếng học giỏi, thông minh, khỏe mạnh nhất vùng nhưng không hiểu sao chả ai thành danh cả. Trước đây chúng tôi vẫn nghĩ rằng đó là bởi tại mồ mả không phát.

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